What do I deserve?

Can I be honest? I sometimes get frustrated with the Lord. I know that he is my heavenly father....merciful, loving, kind, gracious, and just...and yet I still get frustrated.

Let me explain. The other day, I have to admit, I was in one of my "angry at God" modes. I was looking at my life, wrapped up in myself, and frustrated about the things that weren't "right" or the things that weren't going the way I wanted them to. After several conversations with others about this, I realized that everyone has things in their life or circumstances that they wish were different.

I remember having a conversation with a lady once. She was bitter and somewhat angry because she believed that her husband should be making more money than he did. She went on to describe how her husband had gone through many years of post-graduate work, and how things had just never worked out for them. As I sat there listening, something clicked in my mind. She was angry because she felt like she and her husband deserved to make more money than they did. In her mind, they had gone through the hard work, they were faithful believers, so God owed them financial success.

How many times to we subconsciously assume that God owes us something? Even though I believe the prosperity gospel is a gross distortion of God's word, my sinful inclination is to believe that I am entitled to certain privileges and rights.  How many times do I think that God owes me health, a nice house, a successful career, a good husband, good children, great friends, etc.? I realized that my anger reares its ugly head when I believe that I deserve something and God does not allow that something to happen.

I am truly the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son. See here for more on that.

"God..I shouldn't have to work this hard! This didn't turn out like I wanted it to!" I see myself during these times as a 4 year old who is pouting in the corner because she didn't get her way. I'm ashamed to admit this, as now I see how childish it is. But this my sin nature.

In reality, God does not owe me anything. In fact, if I am really, painfully, biblically honest, the only thing I deserve is Hell. I know some of you might find that statement offensive, but if you believe that the wages of sin is truly death, then you will understand that you and me, as sinful people, deserve Hell. God did not have to save me. (I am even pausing at this moment and marveling at that statement!) God did not have to save me! But he did...because of his grace and mercy. I was spiritually dead... wretched, filthy, and sinful, but God decided to extend his grace and mercy to me and save me. Wow. That is the essence of beautiful, amazing grace...it is God's unmerited favor.

When I was saved and adopted into God's family, something else happend. Scripture says that I am now a co-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17) to not only share in his sufferings but also his glory. I once was spiritually poor, but now I have everything I need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:13).

I love my precious husband. We were once having a conversation about this, and he told me, "Lauren, if you were homeless, starving, friendless, without any family, sick, and yet had Christ, you would truly have everything." That statement is so profound and so true.  I must preach to myself everyday that I have everything in Christ. I have not received the punishment that I deserve and have received blessings that I don't deserve. I must preach this to myself when I am tempted to become angry and wallow in self-pity. Talk about a dose of humility and thankfulness! I fully believe that people would have such a renewed sense of gratitude towards the Lord if they truly understood what they deserve and what they were saved from.

In the end, Christ is everything, and the rest, like we say in Louisiana, is lagniappe.

No longer an orphan

I am no longer an orphan....let me explain. I grew up with both of my biological parents. So in that sense, I was not orphaned, but spiritually I was. Let me share this with you:http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=ezekiel+16%3A+8-14

This is the state we were all in before God chose, in his grace and mercy to adopt us into his family. We were helpless, as Ezekiel says, and wallowing in our own blood. We could do nothing to help ourselves but then God showed up on the scene and decided to save us! What an incredible thing. I never really understood adoption as the gospel until recently. Now I get that at it's core the gospel is adoption. We were undeserving, but because of grace have the privilege of being in God's family and knowing Christ here on earth and in eternity. Adoption changes everything.

Even though I am spiritually adopted, I forget this from time to time. I know that I am saved, but in my day-to-day activities I sometimes still act like I am an orphan...that I am alone...that I have to depend on myself. I think that self-reliance is one of the main struggles that believers encounter. Our flesh loves to be self-sufficient, self-reliant and self-focused. We don't want help from anyone, especially God. We love the do-it-yourself manual of life. However, our flesh will fail, but God will not. As I grow more in the Lord, I have come to realize that there is nothing good in me but Christ. My flesh is totally corrupt and sinful and that I can't put any hope in myself. I must hope in God for everything, especially my salvation.

As many of you know I am in grad school right now for counseling. Honestly, sometimes I am plagued with the "what ifs" about my future counseling career. I was sitting at work a few weeks ago, starting to get on the "what if" train. What if I don't know what to say? What if I look silly or inimidated? What if I can't do it? As I was pondering these things, the Lord reminded me of Ezekiel 16 and spoke to my heart...you are no longer an orphan.

The Holy Spirit is incredibly timely. I was acting as if I was an orphan...that it was all up to me and my knowledge and skill and resources to help people in the therapeutic process. It is NOT. I can't do it...BUT GOD CAN! Oh what joy this brought to my heart. I will never be alone when I sit with someone to counsel them...God will always be with me strengthening me and upholding me. I can't put any confidence in my own ability but can put FULL, TOTAL, 100% confidence in God's ability. This is such a relief to me...nothing is impossible for God. Of course, this applies in any area of life. I know this verse is very overused, but we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength. Amen and Amen.

I challenge you today. Pray about what adoption looks like in your own life and give God the praise and glory that you belonging to Him is all about what he did and nothing we do. If we died today and stood before the Lord, nothing but the blood of Jesus would make us worthy. I also feel that this is why real adoption is so important in real life. What a tangible way to display the gospel not only to the adopted children, but to those all around you. And if you are adopted into God's family...live that way. You now have a glorious inheritance....but most of all a Father to love, obey, and enjoy.

contentment

I know I need to update. FOR REAL. Anyway...Justin and I have been very busy lately. He just got back from Pakistan this week, so is still a little jet-lagged. I have been working and going to school, plus we have had something to do every weekend for the past two months. It will be nice to have some time to relax and enjoy each other. We are not making any weekend commitments for a few weeks.

Speaking of that, our church is building the first Christian orphanage in Pakistan. The Lord tells us that true religion is taking care of widows and orphans. I'm glad he just lays it out that simply for us. How much "stuff" do we do, thinking it is pleasing to the Lord when it is just religious? If you feel led, please pray. We also need to raise about 50, 000 dollars to buy the land and the building in Pakistan. This is going to change the lives of hundreds of children and families that are waiting to adopt. For more info go here: www.lacroixchurch.net

I'm sitting here in our one comfy chair in our house. I will never have to worry about Justin hoarding because he sells everything ASAP, including our old couch. We joke that our Missional Community Group that meets here is the "missing couch" group now. Anyways...as I am sitting here I am just thinking about a word that describes my life right now, which is content. I can't tell you what a joy it is to me that I can even say that I am content. I don't know if I have ever really been content. Starting even in elementary school I began to compare myself to other girls that I knew and wanted to be like them. This has continued into my adult life until recently, and can still be a struggle. When you constantly compare yourself, there is no way that you will ever be content with what God has given you. I was reading scripture the other day and the Lord brought this to my attention:

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. 1 Cor 7:17

Comparing is also coveting..which is a sin. The Lord had to show me that it was actually something I needed to repent of and let Him deal with.

The Lord has assigned me right now to be in a certain place (Baton Rouge) to be doing certain things (working at LSU and going to school there) around certain people. When I am continually comparing, I totally miss out on what God is doing in my own life. I essentially become ineffective.

I guess I'm just growing up. It is a grace, but I feel that I am also maturing in my faith. I was telling Justin tonight that ever since I started going to La Croix, my perspective of my life has changed, now filtered through the gospel of Jesus Christ. When I was growing up, I felt to be normal I had to be beautiful, had to have a ton of friends, do well in school, always be dressed cute, etc. There is nothing wrong with having any of these things, but essentially I felt that I had to be perfect and that everyone else was perfect but me. Now I get that I'm already perfect in Christ and that nobody else is perfect either, so there is no reason to compare. I am accepted and have the righteousness of Christ now, and God has given me a life to be a good steward of. The life of Lauren McCain and nobody else.

I am also beginning to value quality over quantity/appearance. Like I said, I used to want to look a certain way and have certain clothes and even felt like my friends had to look a certain way, and that "normal" girls had a certain amount of really good friends (kinda silly, I know). Now I truly value authentic, Christ-centered friendships, no matter the age of the person. I have friends that are my age but also some that are in their 30s. I have also recently discovered the joy of loving on and investing in my local body-La Croix.

so...deep sigh of relief. Contentment. Satisfied in Christ...content in who he has made me to be. Content in where I am, but excited for the future.

Just Come

......"yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life"..... John 5:4o

Lately, I have been reading the book of John. I haven't ever read John all the way through, so I thought that now would be as good of time as ever to read it. It has been awesome (I mean it is the word of God). The other night I was reading and came across John 5. Near the end of the chapter, Jesus is talking to the Jews that want to kill him because he was doing miracles on the Sabbath. Jesus goes into this long dialogue towards them, basically telling them that he is the Christ. He is the one that God has sent..and that they still don't believe. He asks them, how can you believe in God and not believe in me? You believe in Moses, and put your hope in him, and yet even Moses wrote of me. It's like Jesus is waving his hands and yelling...HELLO! You have been looking for me..and HERE I AM! Yet..they still didn't get it.

As my pastor preaches every week, religion kills. Religion is self-salvation and says, "oh, I read my Bible and go to church, so I'm good with God. I know about Jesus and that's good enough." I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but if you don't have a relationship with Christ, you are NOT good with God. Jesus says to us, like the Jews, come to ME and have life!! My Christian walk became so much less stressful when I realized that all I have to do is come to Jesus. I had tried so long to earn my salvation, to prove to God that I was good enough to love and save, and this was incredibly frustrating and anxiety-producing. I also felt like I had so many issues, and that I had to fix them. Then Jesus said...Lauren...you are Mine! You are accepted and you have my righteousness. Surrender your life to me and let ME change your heart and make it more like Mine. Oh what sweet news that was to my soul. Life in Christ is like a huge soul sigh of relief. No more striving. No more fear. Just rest in the arms of Christ.

We must come to Christ. He is the only hope we have here and in eternity.

Can I be honest? Transparency in the church so critical. Anyways...I struggle with having abundance in Christ daily. God has been dealing with my heart for many months now on the issue of satisfaction. I know that I need to come to Christ....having that intimate relationship with him and his word is the only thing that will truly bring satisfaction...but somedays I just don't do it. Then I go about my day, trying to fill myself with activities or conversations, but nothing quite does it. My flesh resists so much against surrendering to my Father that loves me.

So wherever you are, just come to Him. Whether you are saved and just need to be refreshed by the living water...just come to Him. Whether you are broken, or hurting, or lost..just come to Jesus. He is the answer. Come to Him that you may have life.

upate.wedding thoughts

Hello friends!!

Well..if you didn't know..I got married December 19th 2009. I haven't blogged since March 2009..so I guess the I can't use the wedding as a total excuse for my lapse of writing. Sometimes I go through periods where I feel like God is showing me things constantly and I can't wait to write them down/share them, and sometimes I don't write at all. Hopefully, this is a season of writing again, because I love being able to share what God is doing in my life and what He is showing me. I love learning about Him and knowing Him more daily...I love the verse in Matthew that says "blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God." When your heart is pure and totally tuned towards Him, it's like you can't help but see Him working through the random conversations and connections that daily occur. Anyways...I digress.

My wedding was, can I say, absolutely beautiful. Minus a minor veil issue (which my amazing bridesmaids so quickly fixed) there were no major fiascos. When I look back on it, everything was perfect-the dresses, the flowers, my dress, the church, the cake, the reception...everything. I truly feel like God had his hand in so much of our planning-we were able to use personal connections and references to save money while still having a beautiful wedding (if there are any brides out there that need catering or someone to make their cake, please contact me!). However, the best part of the wedding was of course, becoming Justin's wife. I am daily amazed at the blessing that he is. I tell him all the time that he is such an evidence of God's goodness in my life (Ephesians 3:20 comes to mind almost daily...Justin is more than I could have asked or imagined for). Our God is truly so good to His children! If any of you out there have given up hope on finding a Godly spouse, please just hold on! I promise that it is so amazing to marry the person that you know God has for you. It is an amazing adventure, and I know that God is going to use our marriage for His glory, locally and throughout the nations...and that is what it is all about.


Here is a picture of me and my bridesmaids. It was such a blessing to have them in my wedding. They are all incredibly special to me and have all impacted my life in a significant way

The full view of the bridal party....the church was beautiful. December is a great time to get married!



Another thing about being Justin's bride was that I got to understand more of what being the bride of Christ is like. Justin and I spent five intense months of going to marriage counseling, and planning our wedding. I used to joke that my mom and I would have business meetings when we talked because our conversation would be all about wedding things that needed to get done. Getting married was a huge part of my life for those several months, and leading up to it, marriage was one of the only things I thought of. I was so excited about the beautiful dress, but like I said, more excited about the marriage itself. This is what our relationship with God should be like. My five months of preparation is nothing compared to the lifelong preparation that we as Christ-followers experience. The process of sanctification is our wedding preparation-becoming more and more like our bridegroom until He comes back for us. We also can enjoy a state of anticipation, constantly thinking about our Lord, seeking Him, and delighting in the fact that we are His. There is also a depth of beauty and richness and intimacy that I share with Justin..something words really can't describe. God has been teaching me lately that in Christ, through the cross, there is that same richness, that same beauty, that same intimacy and joy and love and sacrifice. These are things that I can partake of daily...if I choose to.

On another note...Justin and I are living in Baton Rouge. He is working at a hospice as a Chaplain (which I think is cool...he gets to pray with people and share the gospel boldly as a part of his job requirements). God also answered another prayer for me a few months ago. After I graduated, I took a year off to work and search out what God wanted for Justin and I. Although I never thought it would happen like this, I just started my Master's degree at LSU in Community Counseling. I couldn't be more excited! I really enjoy my classes now-I am not just learning to get a grade, but to understand how to do things that I am passionate about! I truly feel like school right now is just another step that God has ordained for me in His plan. I was also blessed to get an assistantship that pays my tuition. Justin and I prayed about one for me several months ago, and of course God was faithful to provide.

We are also helping our friend Barry with a church that he planted a few years ago, La Croix. I honestly have to say that it is a honor to serve with Barry and his wife Nerrylee. They have such an incredible heart for people to know Christ in the city of Baton Rouge. Barry felt led to move here from Missouri and start a church here, hoping to save people from "religiosity" and point them to a saving, life giving relationship with Christ. The environment is definitely Christ-focused and authentic, which is such a blessing.

I think that is all for now! May we focus our hearts and minds on Him..He is so worthy!